Friday, July 24, 2009

Heart Wrenching Movies That Hit Close To Home

Last night my oldest daughter and I went to see "My Sister's Keeper." When we decided to see it I had no idea the effect it would have over me. I cried and cried and cried!

This movie really hit home. Even though it is about losing a child, I could not help but think about Susan, Tom and Katie (friends thru a friend who are facing serious health problems for both mom and dad and Katie is only 3). I also thought about Sarah, Jonathon, Ezra and Jesse (a life long friend and her husband who both have health problems and their young boys). It really made me think about my family.

We have lost 4 family members and 1 really close friend in the past 6 years. And while the Christian side of me knows they are in a better place, the human side of me still misses each of them. And while the Christian side of me knows that death is a part of life, I have found myself questioning God and how he could let these kind of things happen.

The other day, I hit my lowest point in a long time and had been questioning my faith. I just happened to turn the radio to 91.9 and this woman was sharing some thoughts and one thing she said really made me stop and realize that she is right. I have questioned my faith and questioned how God could stand by and not stop all the bad things from happening, but what she said opened my eyes and answered my questions. She said "God created a perfect world and gave it to us that way, he also gave us free will, and we are the ones that turned that perfect world into the world we know today, not God!" It is funny how that one sentence changed my way of thinking!

I do not understand why we loose loved ones or why young children have to suffer such horrible diseases. What I do know is that God is not the one who did this to our world and I do know that God is the only one who can give us back that perfect world. But he is not going to give that to us until we prove to him that we are worthy.

Watching this movie last night made me think about even more things. I know that I am going through a lot of family drama and I know that I have been feeling down because of it. But I realized last night that my family has been blessed. I have 3 wonderful and healthy children. And no amount of family drama can take that away from me. And my 3 wonderful children need me and my emotions at their best. So they are going to get it!

Like I told a friend last night, I am drained from my family drama. I am not giving up, but I am stopping it! I will be glad to say "YOU WIN" and move on with my life. Because, in reality, I am the one who really wins! It is no longer about trying to prove that I am right or that my children and I deserve to be treated better, it is about knowing that I am doing the right thing and that I am the bigger person.

Do not get me wrong, I am not writing off my family. I am not that kind of person. But instead of beating myself up over the family drama, I am going to pray for them and let God take the drivers seat in my life. After all, I have speed out of control and had my share of bump-ups. With him at the wheel, my life cannot go wrong!