Friday, July 17, 2009

Family Ties That Break Little Hearts

I have been going thru some things with my in-laws for the past 3 years now and just when I thought that things were getting better, boy did I get slapped in the face all over again.

My sister-in-law has a daughter that is 10 months older than my daughter. While I worked (before my son was born last April), my mother-in-law kept both the girls. Now, I am a stay at home mom, my mother-in-law acts like she only has 1 grandchild. At first I did not let it bother me. But here lately my daughter has started asking me questions about why Mawmaw and Pawpaw take Savannah with them all the time and she cannot go.

I told my husband that I would not say anything or blow up with his mother until it became an issue with my children noticing things. And even though I have tried to hide as much as possible from them, we live 3 houses down from them and it is painfully obvious to my children (more so my daughter than my son as he is only 15 months old).

To make things even worse, now they have started to lie to us about taking her on vacations. I called my mother-in-law this morning to ask her about something and she informed me that they were on their way to the beach to get away for a couple of days. I was shocked since we were suppose to yard sale together this weekend, but figured she had been working hard and needed to get away. Not 15 minutes later I find out that my neice is accompanying them. This is about the 6th or 7th beach trip they have taken with her and several trips to the mountains as well. Never has my daughter been asked to go! And this time my daughter found out because we stopped by my sister-in-laws to pick up my older neice and the cat was let out of the bag.

So now I am faced with a dilema. How do I handle this. My mother-in-law is a very ALL ABOUT ME person. It is her way or no way. She even treats her husband as though he is a dog on a leash. And while I want to stand up for my children, I do not want to cause a family feud. I just want them to treat the grandchildren fairly. And if they cannot treat them fairly, I do not want them to be a part of my childrens lives!

My husband has always been second best to his sister with his parents, his grandfather always picked up the slack because it was soooo obvious. Now his grandfather is gone and it has been hard on him the past 3 years because he feels like he has no one there for him except for me. And I understand exactally how he feels, my mother has always been all about my brother and then I got what was left, only difference is that I did not have anyone to pick up the slack. But I have dealt with it my entire life so I am a little more use to it.

I do not want my children to go thru life feeling second best to anyone, especially other family members. I treat each of my 3 children the same! They are all special in their own way and I cannot for the life of me understand anyone seeing their children or grandchildren in any other way.

As a mother, it kills me to see my child crying over something they should not ever experience. And of course, when I get sad for my child, I get mad as well! I am already a person who finds it very hard to bite my tongue, I usually speak my mind and speak it very boldly. So this situation is really stressing me out. Like I said earlier on in the post, I do not want to start a family war, but at the same time I know that I need to address the situation.

I am going to pray about this for the next couple of days and avoid seeing or speaking with them until I calm down a little and feel I can handle the situation in the most effect manner. I would appreciate any prayers from others to help me maintain my cool and be the bigger person in all this!